...we can't comprehend this sad state that we're in

A couple of years ago I was given a gift certificate for a manicure at a local nail salon by a well-to-do woman in my prayer group; I thanked her and the thing has proceeded to sit in my house for over 2 1/2 years. Why? Because I'm a nail-ripper. I don't bite my nails, but I rip at them and always have done. I hide my hands a lot. But lately I've been getting better about it and wondered if a manicure might help me even further (heck, I'm even wearing polish on my toes now, for heaven's sake, and I have major foot embarrassment for some reason.) So I tried to look the place up to see what services they offered, etc. I found a few reviews and, interestingly, two of them made a point of saying that everyone working at the salon spoke English. I guess this is sometimes a problem. A few pages into Google, I discovered that speaking English and being able to put together a few decently-written sentences is, alas, still beyond even English-speakers. Here is what I found for the salon (whose name I will not mention):

We are located in wonderful downtown Andover MA, have over 13 years of experience, and have great pride in our cleanliness. our impliments are fully sanitized after each client, our top of the line, brand new pedi bowls have no jets and are individualized for each client. our manicures and pedicures have been known to last longer than other nail salons. we do not do acrylic nail, as we are firm believers that they truely damage your natural nail. we offer an artificial nail that is alot more natural looking than acrylic, which is silk nails. The silk overlays last roughly 10 to 14 days, and do not damage your natural nail as the acrylics do.

We often do private partys in our salon for bridal, batchlorette, and birthday parties. ladies nights are also very popular and lots of fun, get a group of girls together and come get a manicure and pedicure together! Ladies nights can be booked for teusday and wednesday nights, starting at 6pm.

We hope to see you soon!

Wow. That must be some manicure/pedicure, to last longer than a nail salon... Go on; tell me how many errors are in there. Oh, the shame...


Pat Carrollton said...

That was fun. Ok, let's do the easy parts: impliments/implements, truely/truly,alot/a lot, partys/parties, bachlorette/bachelorette, teusday/Tuesday, wednesday/Wednesday. Now, let's look again: "Our" is not capitalized (2x). "We" is not capitalized (2x).(we do not do acrylic nail??),"as we are firm believers' (is this a religion or what?), "natural looking" (natural-looking)"which is silk nails"(?)When you get all those "girls together" do they all get one manicure and pedicure? Can the others watch her get it?

Tanager said...

I didn't even think of the last one...maybe they all get one toe or one nail done? Of course, you couldn't have more than 20 guests that way. Although I hear it's an "intimate" salon and they probably can't fit 20 clients in there all at once anyway...lol!

Blasé said...

Lawd Have Mercy!

Cdnblade said...

Hello Tanager. Hope you are doing better today. Good to read you again.